Some days are going to be really hard, and I mean HARD HARD. It’s going to feel like the whole weight of the world is sitting on your shoulders because it is. You’ve taken on the world that was created between two to three and back to two as one sole provider.
Some days it's going to feel like you are unsure about the decisions that you made because the weight you are caring is just so heavy. You look at the world around you without a clue of what you are doing and trying to figure things out as you go. With your little Love trusting you along the way, all the while you are looking at yourself not knowing what the hell your next move is.
Some days are going to feel exhausting and daunting. It’s going to feel so lonely and you’ll dream of days when you can take a break, and they never come. Some days you are going to feel all this guilt for having to do it all and still not feeling enough. You’ll feel like you’ve let everyone else around you down because they just don’t seem to understand what your life feels like when its just you by yourself and your little human.
Doubt will start to set in, where it feels like going back to the crappy relationship you used to be in would be a dream come true in comparison to the hard life you are putting yourself through by yourself. You’ll question everything to the regular adult decisions like how you spend your money to if you are even worthy of taking a nap when your whole sink is full of dishes and the beds haven’t been made.
You’ll wonder if every decision up until this day was to better your child’s life or if it was a disservice and every day you will wonder if you were there enough for your child or if they’ll only remember how you weren’t around because you had to hold it down alone.
Let me be the first to tell you Mama, this too shall pass. It will come in waves. Some days are harder than others and then it will swing back around and feel hard again but let me tell you this, regardless of how you ended up as a single mama, you are doing a great job. As single Mama’s we are that small group of women who hear it the least and struggle believing it when we do hear it, because of all the conflicting things we are telling ourselves on a day-to-day basis. Single parenthood is tough and even when you have people around to help, it's still hard because it’s not the guilt that people are making you feel, it’s the guilt you put onto yourself.
It’s the self-belief that you are telling yourself every single day that you aren’t working enough or you aren’t mothering enough or you aren’t whatever-ing enough. You are! The first person you need to convince of your worthiness is yourself and it’s going to be something that you are going to have to actively work on telling yourself every single day and it won’t be easy. The hard days will get to you, but let those days pass.
I won’t promise you that single parenthood is somehow easier as time goes on. My son is nine now and it doesn’t feel easier than it really just feels like different things we are conquering together. The magical thing about being a parent, in general, is the love our kids bestow upon us. Kids are incredibly resilient, loving and honest. When you trust in your kids to have honest and open conversations with you, you can guarantee that they will tell you in their own ways how much they love and appreciate you and that type of love is unconditional. It’s that love right there that is continuously pushing you to get through the hard days and take in all the good days because our kids deserve it.
Do your best and believe in everything you are working towards. Know that you are so so loved by those around you and your children and if nothing else, know that every single thing you do for your family, you and your child, is enough and you are doing a fucking good ass job! You may not hear it enough and that might be the hardest part of the journey, but you are doing it girl! You are doing it!!